High Limit / Roller Casinos

Hey… yeah… you.

Are you a ‘high roller?’ A guy that likes to play blackjack, craps or slots for thousands of dollars, per turn.

You’re in good company then. We high rollers are too good for those puny, nickel and dime, insects. We want, no, we deserve to play the highest stakes games, receive tons of attention, and for casinos to cater to our every whim.

Online casinos like this exist, too. (Fortunate for them, am I right!?!) Our top recommendations are below. Take a pick, head to the casino and demand they give you their attention.

Benefits of High Roller Online Casinos

Other than playing for what most people consider to be life changing money, there are benefits to being a big spender at the tables.

High Roller Bonuses – Some casinos will offer 2-3 deposit bonuses. One will be for the low stakes player, the other for the average player ($500-$1,000), and the largest will be for the high roller.

These offers will be match bonuses up to a maximum of $5-15,000. Keep in mind that with the clearing requirements you’ll end up spending $250-$500,000 to earn that money.

But does that really matter, you big spender, you?

Preferential Treatment – Casinos treat their big spenders differently than the average player.

This can be through various means. For example, the casino might host an exclusive loyalty program. This will be invite only.

Another example – high rollers will receive (frequent) reload deposit bonuses.

High rollers will also get 1-on-1 attention that those small stakes, puny simpletons simply don’t deserve.

Downsides For Online High Rollers

There are a couple of downsides for us online high rollers, when compared to our brick and mortar counterparts.

No Buffets – Where the hell is my free food?

No Rooms / Suites – We won’t be comped a suite overlooking the Strip, either, nor will we be sleeping on 300-count sheets, or resting our heads on synthetic blend pillows.

Lower Stakes – The largest posted stakes online are between 500-1,000. While it is possible to request higher limits for being a loyal, big spender, it will be a far cry from the 6-figure sums that you can spend per turn in a Las Vegas casino.

Fortunately, I already eat the finest foods, and sleep on the softest sheets. And the online games are just big enough to keep me from falling asleep. They’ll do – for now.

How Do You Become a High Roller?

I was strolling Quora.com, looking for a laugh, when I came across a serious question that asked:

How do you become a high roller?

Ha! Is this kid serious?

Lets see if I can help him out.

Well, like pimping, being a high roller isn’t easy. You have to have a lot of money. So, hopefully you’re the child of rich parents, won the lottery or sold your startup for millions in cash.

Otherwise, you’re a simpleton. Sorry.

But I get it; not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth, let alone have the balls to lay all their cash down on 31 black.

So, what do you do instead?

You fake it.

This is easier than it sounds. Here’s what you need to do.

  • Dress in expensive clothes. Don’t have any? Borrow some, put them on a charge card, or visit one of those fake Gucci or Versace shops. No one will know.
  • Order the finest wines and champagnes. Put it on your ‘tab.’
  • Have women hanging off both arms. Make sure not one of them is your mom, sister or relative. Bonus points for them blowing/kissing your dice for good luck.
  • Take said women out to a fancy dinner. Again, this goes on your ‘tab.’
  • Head to the high stakes area. Act like playing for $1,000 per spin or $5,000 per hand doesn’t phase you. Then tell your date you left your wallet in your other pair of Versace pants.
  • Make sure to get lots of free drinks for your date(s). The drunker they are, the less aware of how phony you are.

 

There you have it. The fastest way to become a high roller is to fake it.

Seriously though, you need to stop being a punk and get yourself some cash. Earn it, win it, steal it, do whatever it takes to line your pockets with more cash. Because there’s no way a puny simpleton is going to hang out with my crew in fake Gucci.